A dream that the ‘normal person’ will never understand
By ‘normal person’ I mean someone who does not have the responsibilities and stress that is involved in keeping themselves alive, because their body does it for them. Nearly 6 years ago I was stripped of what I would call ‘the easy life’ and given these responsibilities, my dream is be in the position that I was once in.
On Christmas Eve 2008 I was taken to hospital due to my doctor suspecting that I had developed diabetes, at this time I was 12 and quite immature, I did not expect to have to deal with the things that to this day… I still do. To me this day was by far the worst day of my life, and even now, I can still remember every second, of every minute of every hour that I was sat in that hospital bed digesting the information that was given to me by my nurse, in a single day, my life changed completely. It was also through the responsibilities I gained, that I lost about 98% of family and friends that I had anything to do with, even now I have just my mother, brother, grandparents, uncle, great-grandmother and a handful of friends who I have anything to do with that doesn’t involve this ‘illness/condition’
Over the years I have lived day-by-day as accepting diabetes or rejecting it, I never know if I’m going to have a good controlled day until I am actually living that day, there are days where I couldn’t give two shits what people think of me and there are days where I just want to curl up into a ball in the corner of my room and cry until I really can’t anymore. Sometimes the concept that a simple mistake I make could have serious life consequences, there’s a constant pressure on my shoulders to make the right decision, even something as simple as what to eat. Even having to constantly test my blood glucose can get a bit too much, I always tell people that I’m used to it rather than admitting that it hurts and that I’m terrified, no one actually takes me seriously when I say that I have a fear of needles, no one sees me shake when I change my cannula for my pump.
Coming back to the title, I have the same/similar dream that many other diabetics across the world have, the be cured, or to be able to experience a day without diabetes, I want to be able to spend a day without having to monitor what my blood glucose levels are, how much insulin I’m injecting and what I’m eating, I’d love to be able to see what it feels like to not have to be conscious of my health being compromised by a simple cold. Despite wanting this, it’s the positives that keep me going and sometimes the desire to live this dream can overshadow them, that’s when it all gets too much.